Stepping Up to the Plate with a Couple of Tunes
In today’s world what is it that we value the most? Some people think it is what we spend a lot of money on. This is something that we want enough that we have to buy. But others believe that it is the priceless moments in our life that we value the most. These are the moments in our lives that mean so much to us that a price couldn't be put on them.
As I pick up the aluminum bat of my choice I spit on the ground and step up to the plate. My heart pumping so much that I feel as though my shirt will move with it. I am the first up and I gotta' hit the ball far. The ball is sailing towards the plate as my dad pitches it and the game has begun. It is a hot Saturday afternoon and I am doing something that I enjoy most.
I’m playing baseball with my family and my friends. We are at my house in my big backyard. I am playing the game with my dad, two brothers, and many of our friends. The teams are spilt evenly, but as talent goes, I am sure my team will win.
Playing baseball is one of my favorite things too do because I love the sport. It also helps me get better every time I play. During the game we only keep track of is the score not time. The only reason we keep score is it gives a certain amount of bragging rights to whoever wins, and also makes the game more interesting.
After the game is over we go and sit on the porch. While we are sitting we usually talk about the great aspects the game we just played. For example some of the top catches, plays, and hits. While we sit and talk my dad makes us strawberry daiquiri’s (non alcoholic of course). The winning team gets served first and then we all relax on the porch cooling off with a round of the finest chilled beverage I have ever tasted.
As I fit the little ear buds into my ears I scroll through to find a song. When I finally find the song I click play and send music flowing through my ears. I sit back and sing a long with the new music of today. I take my thumb and bring it around the white circle clockwise turning up the volume, sending the beats pulsing through my body.
My $200 iPod is red and holds 16 gigabytes of my combination of music, TV shows, movies, and photos. It is about 3 inches long and about a half a centimeter thick. This makes my iPod easy to fit in my pocket comfortably and noticeably. It has a decent sized screen which, when turned sideways is great for watching movies on. It has the new shake feature too. This feature enables me to change the song just but shaking my iPod.
I value my iPod so immensely because of the countless hours of relaxation it gives me. It calms me down when I am upset and also provides me entertainment that I use for long car rides. Without it these rides would be very boring and seem extremely long. Whenever I cant sleep I just pull out my iPod to relax my body and get sleepy, most times I even fall asleep listening to the music on my iPod. But sometimes when I am using my phone late at night and trying to stay awake I turn the music on my iPod loud so I don’t fall asleep on the people I am talking to.
So overall what is we value most? Is it priceless moments in our life or is is the things we spend money on. I think it is both. This is because I value more than just those priceless moments. But I don’t think we have to spend thousands of dollars on something for us to value it. But I think most people value the things the cost a lot because you are not going to spend a lot of money on something you don’t even really care about.
The two things that Jon is Talking about is his ipod and playing baseball with his family and friends. I can't really decide which you are more strongly valueing. But the story still flows very good.
ReplyDeleteIf i had to make a choice of which you more vividly described is i think you described playing baseball in your backyard more vividly. One part that i thought was good was when you were talking about when you finished playing baseball and you went and sat on the porch. That is what i think you more vividly described.
Some strengths that i think you had were you had good detail about when you finished playing baseball. How you said you drink the best frozen beverage you have ever had. That is what i think i your strengths are.
One suggestion i could give you is i think you could use a little better word choice. I think at some points throughout the story you could've used better and bigger words. But other then, good story mate.
You crystal-clearly state that both are valuable. Not one over the other which is good. It gives the reader a sense that you like to keep your options open.
ReplyDeleteThe better one is the iPod because you give better detail about that. There's detail for the baseball, but the iPod is the better picture. For example, you describe the color of the circle and describe it's operations.
Your overall strength is definitely visualization. Although you don't state massive quantities of detail, I can still see what the iPod looks like. You give detail of the main features of your iPod. "My 200$ iPod is red and holds 16 gigabytes of my combination of music, TV shows, movies, and photos". This states the main things needed to know.
I would suggest the baseball game is described more. You only give me an idea of before the game and being thrown the ball. I would like to know what happens. Maybe you should describe more of those top plays, catches, hits, etc. You mentioned it, but you should've talked more about it.
With the exception of that it is a well thoght out and well-written piece.